Feedback and New Scene Outline

Feedback:

After pitching our idea we received various feedback to improve and fix a few elements to the opening sequences:

• The girl should be dead not alive in order to avoid the stereotype of a girl having been dug up.

• We decided that the girl will actually be related to our lead male as his Sister which he has dug up from a grave as he is vulnerable and is in need of her companionship.

• We have removed the teddy bear and the shots of the clock ticking. 

• One of the points given to us was to show more parts of her getting ready instead of just the face. E.g. nails painted, corset being tied.

• We were told that the Male role should show more affection towards the girl including more carefulness and love towards her, indicating a Brother and Sister relationship which is also to avoid any possible sexual tension that might unintentionally be created.

• Additionally, the needle of the record player should hit the end of run.

New Scene Outline:

• Ink, water coming out

• Brushing teeth

• Dribble it out

• Hair in sink, mud washing out

• Pan of dressing table

• Eyelashes being curled

• Hair Dryer blowing hair

• Eyeliner being put on

• Mascara being put on

• Record player

• Brushing dirt of nails

•  Brush hitting powder

• Powder putting on girl

• Lip stick being taken out

• Lip stick being put on lips

• Dress/corset being tightened

• Brushing of hair

• Needle of record hits the end

• Nails being painting 

• Curling hair

• Mans hand record being turned off

•  Picking Up leather gloves

•  Cotton swab cleaning dirt of toe nails

•  Leather gloves being put on by man

• Girls blue feet shown.

• Man walks out

• Black out.